is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
