your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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