I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
