I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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