Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
