hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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