He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
