you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
