You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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