You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
