WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
no, he came in my armpit
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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