her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
