He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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