At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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