Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wish my penis had an off switch
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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