i already hear my dad disowning me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
