In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize