Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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