the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
