I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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