Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
