life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize