Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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