that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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