and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
