I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
