Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
