Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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