Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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