oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
