she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
