So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
