I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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