Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
