So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
