"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
