i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
