my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
