Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
