if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
