I want to stick my p in your. b.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize