trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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