Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
