It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
