I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize