I wish I only lived at night.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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