GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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