Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
