If that was your dad, he is hot
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize