I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize