I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
