I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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