I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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