she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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