So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
