I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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