I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
