We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
