when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it's great music for shaving your balls
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
