I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
