just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
