Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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