Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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