spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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