I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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