peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
