brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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