Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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