i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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