She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
