She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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