so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
