Plan B is the new Plan A
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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