I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
