I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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