TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He did a backflip because drugs
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
