Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
