I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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