this beer tastes like vomit already
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
