I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
