she woke up with a sticky ear
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
