sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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